Pat Robertson addresses an anti "X"
rally in Seattle Washington

Launch of X-Box Triggers Protest
by Rachel Bondi

Microsoft released plans for their new X-Box amidst great controversy recently as scores of fanatic Jesus freaks and religious right descended upon the Seattle headquarters. The protestors shared concerns that Bill Gates is Satan, and the X-Box is a conspiracy to have children view interactive pornographic virtual worlds and gaming.

"Anything that begins with 'X' can't possibly be good for our children", Pat Robertson stated while holding a sign that crossed out an X. "First you have something like XXX, next thing you know you have X-Files, or even X-mas, putting the X where Christ should be!"

Microsoft was fairly tight-lipped Friday, with the exception of Robbie Bach, spokesperson for Microsoft's X-Box, who responded to the protests by saying, "Damn, I haven't seen anything like this since the Last Temptation of Christ. They haven't even seen the X-Box." He added, "The target market is already called generation X, for god's sake!"

Adding to the growing concern for yet another "X" device is Andrea Warnock, Professor and Matmatician/Feminist Theorist at Harvard. "As a mathmatician and feminist I take this onslaught of "X-mania" very seriously. How can we expect our children to take Algebra seriously when we, as a society, are so willing to squander our " X's'' willy nilly...how can we impress upon young students the algebriac value of "X" when half of them think it's some kind of god damn prefix! As for the implications of the Christian Anti "X" Movement's effects on womens rights...the implications are stagering. Is it really a coincidence that that the chromosome that is responsible for female embrionic developement is identified by the very same letter that the Religious Right are so quick to condemn in popular culture? In light of the facts it's clear to see this for what is...a Mathemofemimnist backlash. I mean, come on people...are we blind?!"

Still Christian organizations everywhere are circulating petitions and won't stop until plans for the X-Box are completely disclosed. There has been much speculation around plans for the X-Box, and Microsoft has been very secretive about exactly how "the Box" will compete with PlayStation and DreamWorks gaming consoles in the market. Japanese protestors from Sony and Sega are said to be joining the protests this week demanding that all information previously withheld about the X-Box be released as public information immediately.


The new RoboPalm III from Lego PDA
Lego Announces
New Palm Computer Appliance Line

by Rachel Bondi

Lego, the original build-it-yourself toys that recently added mechanical and robotic enhancements to its line, today went one better by announcing the Lego PC and PDA (personal digital assistant) combination. By adding or removing blocks to the devices, they become compatible with an entire line of household devices planned by the company.

"We were already using Lego Servers and PC's to run the rides at Legoland when the commercial value of selling our technology occurred to us", said Hans Brauchman, Chief Technology Officer of Lego, Inc. Hans stopped our interview to answer his Lego cell phone. "See, I can even attach my cell phone to my Lego Palm and attach the whole thing to my desktop PC to exchange messages," he exclaimed.

Lego believes that by expanding the line they can personalize PC's to adapt to preferences worldwide with Medieval, Space, and Undersea adaptor kits. This could make them popular with adults and children alike. As with all Lego's, the limits are only your imagination.

"People get bored with the same old devices." says said Hans Brauchman. "Now, with Lego, you can change the look and feel of your Palm or PC whenever the inspiration hits...look see, I made a robot!"

"With enough PDA's linked together you can build the HAL2000, a rocket, or even a nuclear bomb!" declared Hans.

"Really, an actual nuclear bomb?"

"Uh, no.. It wouldn't be functional, but it would look cool ...and I'm sure it's mere presence would act as a deterrent against, uh, something. I mean, no doubt!"

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