New Frontiers in Internet Porn
by Steven Schultz

It's an open secret that the driving economic force behind the internet explosion is a desire for oodles of anonymous pornography. While lawmakers and entrepaneurs struggle to define and control the world of on-line porn, a new, grass-roots development of net-savvy consumers is threatening to change the way we think about virtual sex for once and for all! Apparently, this trend started (as so many things do) while defending the American right to wank in the workplace. How does a privacy-starved office worker view his favorite triple-XXX files even when nosey bosses were watching over his shoulders? Simple: go to the VIEW menu and view the file as HTML SOURCE CODE. Data entry temp Ed Epplin describes his initial foray into the topsy-turvy world of dirty code:

"I heard about it from a friend at work, and I checked it out...I started out, y'know, just reading the meta tags, cus that's where all the dirty words are, you know... I figure, 'Hey, this isn't all that different than a dirty book, you know...' but eventually I started getting bored of the METAs, and just kept on reading... Each time I'd read farther into the rest of the code. Now I get a boner just reading the command "</ HREF>''! It's like Pavlov or something, man... Like, if Dr. Pavlov was around today, I bet he'd be sporting a boner too, dude."

Privacy isn't the only motivating factor for Eppelin: "Real quality Brazilllian goat hoof-fetish pix are hella expensive, man. But like now I can look at my old porn a whole new way, instead of buying new shit... I'm saving like $40.00 a month!" ... and on a temp worker's salary that's a big plus!

Dirty pictures viewed as computer code may have started just as a way to beat the boss, but for many hard-core geeks, it's turned into something much more. Systems analyst Ron Aiden explains his addiction:

"If you just look at this JPEG as pixels, it's really, basically, quite cheesy and boring. It's promising an intimate view of this gal that it's systemically unable to deliver. Because, what do I know about this gal? Basically nothing. Can I picture going out with her, talking to her? No. It's a superficial picure and its attempts to compensate for the lack of intimacy-- with the gynacological angles-- come off as more like vulgar and gross. But if you view the same file as source code, you see the intimate details of the file. The unique code, (totally, utterly quantified in a way that 'turn ons' and 'turn offs' can never be) that makes that file special. No secrets, no pretenses. I can basically see the whole thing at once and I can even customize it if I want. So the source code is so much more intimate and unique than the pixels. "

Evolutionary psychologist and self-declared net-freak Izzy Orden says it's dangerous to dismiss this as just a passing fad:

"The leap to source-code porn is a historical inevitability; the result of a social-evolutionary law which has been in effect as long as civilization: Technology increases in direct proportion to abstraction. In pre-porn times, humans had no powers of abstraction, and had to have sex with each others' physical bodies. Disgusted by their cave-partners' greasy, unwashed pelts and feces-besmirched nethers, cave-persons started producing idealized, smell-free pornographic renderings of idealized partners as soon as the technology became available. More abstract ways of thinking facilitated the development of new technologies (papyrus scrolls, mass-produced books, TV) which in turn produce more advanced pornos, which in turn eroticize abstraction itself. The TV-and internet- porn introduced a new level of abstraction because it's utterly insubstantial; without any physical apparattus. It's only a short leap to porn which is entirely abstract and devoid of any archaic, out-moded referents to the human body."

In fact, the hysteria has gotten so bad that Afganistan's ruling Taliban has outlawed HTML code altogether, since it might tempt the faithful away from Allah. This despite the desprately-needed revenues of the "virtual stonings." However, Ron Aiden says there's nothing to worry about: code-sex is actually more honest than regular cyber-sex:

"Everyone having sex in chat rooms and porn sites is basically fucking the computer. My wife used to get mad that I was checking out girls on the internet, she said, 'You're probably pretending you're with a porn star when you're with me!' But she doesn't understand, it's just as much a betrayal to be pretending I'm with a porn star, when I'm fucking my computer! If my computer is good enough to give me orgasm after orgasm, why should I insult it by pretending I'm fucking humans? If I wanted to fuck a human I'd have... (euch) sex! By directly interfacing the code, I feel like I'm cutting out the middle-organism here. And as an engineer, I place a high value on efficiency."

If this new trend becomes the status quo in a couple of years, as Epplin has declared, it might also help-- unlike regular porn-- EASE tensions between the sexes. Anne Aillen, the feminist social critic and author of "VIRTUAL ASS: Secrets of the Phallo-Scopo-Philiac Complex and Its Effects On Women's Self-Sovereignty" had this to say:

"It's a known fact that men like to stare, and women like to read. That's why guys have HUSTLER and women have verbose Harlequin Romances with Fabio on the cover. All visual media, (movies, TV, internet), are run by men, and their primary focus is what Susan Sontag calls 'the male gaze': using the camera as a phallus to penetrate the subject of that gaze. An objectifying gaze, turning the woman into a thing to be looked at and possessed. So I was never interested in pornography, not even the "Playgirl" kind which is still rooted in this very patriarchal objectifying gaze. But with the source-code porn, it's textual and not visual....it's like the guys have finally caught up to the women! There's no longer a 'male gaze': it's okay to objectify the HTML code because that's exactly what it is, an object! Now I know I'm having a deeply moral orgasm whenever I download the code of "HUGEBLACKCOCKS.COM"

However, the old immorality of referential pornography dies hard. Certain greedy, unscrupulous webmasters have been taking advantage of the non-visual nature of the "new masturbation" to put cheaper, non-porno codes on their websites: Fragments of insurance pages, AOL personal pages, and even (in one instance) code from the Lake Michigan Trout Hatchery has been outright cut and pasted into many sleazy porn sites catering to "code-jackers". This kind of corner-cutting can save the webmasters money in the short run but, as Ed Epplin explains, doesn't fool anyone long.

"Dude I was, like, getting busy with some realy hot s and s when I noticed the color attribute was like <#FF99CC>you know, pink, and I like went back and viewed it as a like regular file, and damn if it wasn't all homosexual porn, the whole thing, I was like, DUUUUDE!!! That was fucked up. Cus I'm not that way. Not even a-- dude, I'm not going back there."

Bogus codes and greed aren't the only threat to the spread of source-code porn. Despite its utopian promise, it's got a darker side many don't like to talk about. Just last week, a FBI sting nailed a underground cartel operating out of Texas. Federal Agent Ed Ennedis said, "We're prepared to turn a blind eye to citizens who want to masturbate in their own homes over HTML codes. But there's always some sickos who have to take things too far... these guys weren't satisfied with HTML, they wanted to view the images in machine language, bit by obscene bit. And these individuals were going to make the machine-language compilers available to the public. I also advise concerned parents to disable the 'VIEW AS' command on their browser so if their children DO go online and are subjected to pornographic images, at least they can't see the HTML codes."

Whatever the eventual fate of source-code fetishism, there's no signs of the trend stopping in the near future. Meta-evolutionary shift in erotic consciousness or sleazy refuge of desparate and onanistic goldbricks? Mail the Tyrant and let us know your opinion!

"I heard about it from a friend at work, and I checked it out...
I started out, y'know, just reading the meta tags, cus that's where all the dirty words are, you know..."

Data Entry Temp
Ed Epplin

"The leap to source-code porn is a historical inevitability; the result of a social-evolutionary law which has been in effect as long as civilization...

Evolutionary Psychologist, Izzy Orden

"We're prepared to turn a blind eye to citizens who want to masturbate in their own homes over HTML codes. But there's always some sickos who have to take things too far...

Federal Agent Ed Ennedis

"Now I know I'm having a deeply moral orgasm whenever I download the source code of hugeblackcocks.com"

Feminist social critic
Anne Aillen

"...damn if it wasn't all homosexual porn, the whole thing, I was like, DUUUUDE!!! That was fucked up."Data entry temp
Ed Epplin

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